I am not sure that this post will end up with a title at all.
I do know that it is time to write this post that I have been putting off for about a week now. I know that I was getting back into my groove of blogging and life was good. Well, life threw me a curve ball last Wednesday. Most of you already know, however, I know there are a lot of you who don’t.
September 3, 2008 I got home from work early. I didn’t feel well and something wasn’t quite right. Well, about an hour after I got home, my husband came flying in the door and said something had gone wrong with my Dad’s surgery and that I needed to call my mother immediately. With all the trouble Dad was having with his eyes, I was prepared to be told that he was officially blind now. Something that is not easy news, but not the end of the world news.
I got on the phone with mom and she proceeded to tell me that during surgery Dad’s heart had stopped. They did CPR on him for an hour and had gotten a heart rhythm back. He was now in ICU on a breathing machine and she thought I should come home. There are lots of things wrong with that sentence. The major one being that they had done CPR on him for an hour.
So I got to Winston Salem to Baptist hospital and went back to see him. I am not sure I can describe how mortified I was to see him hooked up to all those machines. It was absolutely awful.
Later that night they took him down to do some CT scans to look for brain activity. Because, as of now, he was not responsive to anything. There was just a pulse and a breathing machine. Not much for us to do but wait, so we went home for the night. I didn’t sleep. At all. I stayed up and read my book and prayed. I hoped, I prayed. I knew the inevitable was coming but I really was trying to push that thought down.
The next day we got to the hospital. There had been no change. Once we got to talk to the doctor he told us that Dad’s quality of life “at best” was going to be in a non-responsive state hooked up to all those machines. For those of you who knew my dad, even a little, know that he was not that kind of guy. Mom and I talked, the whole family talked. We didn’t want to leave him on the machines. So, we didn’t. Mom, DH, and I sat with him until he took his last breath on September 4, 2008.
It has all happened so fast. His passing, his visitation, his funeral. I am still not sure it really happened. I keep hoping it didn’t. And then I remember something to remind me it did.
My Dad was my hero. My biggest fan, my number one supporter. He taught me so much about life. I am sad for the things I will not get to learn from him. I am sad for the things he will not get to experience. I am glad for the times we did spend together. He was there to walk me down the isle in October. He knows that I am well taken care of and happy with DH.
The hurt will not go away anytime soon. Its constantly there, and its the biggest hole I have ever had in my soul.
Thanks to all of you who sent kind words of support to me and my family. They mean more than you will ever know. Thanks to those of you who took the time to come and be with us in our time of need.
Thanks to all of you who took the time to read this.
I love you Dad.
I’m so sorry to hear this Corey, I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to lose your father. I have no idea what to say but I will be praying for you and your mom and the rest of your family.
I am SO, SO, SO, SO sorry to hear this. It brings back a lot of memories of how I lost my own dad- also very suddenly and also because of a surgery gone wrong. It is incredibly hard and I can imagine what you and your family have been going through. I wish things were different. Many hugs and prayers coming your way.
Oh, sweetie, I’m so, so sorry. I’ll be thinking of you.
Corey – I’m so very sorry to hear this. I don’t know what else to say, but please know that I’m praying for your family.
I know words can’t express what you must be going through right now, but your post was a beautiful tribute to the life your dad lived. Chad and I will be thinking about you and praying for you and your family. I know Chad would understand best of all. He lost his dad about 12 years ago to cancer. We love you!
I am so sorry to hear of your dad’s passing. There is no way to really relate to how you must feel right now, but please know that I am thinking of you and your family. I know it helps me personally to think that my life will be a tribute to all those who I’ve lost. I hope that it maybe helps you as well.
A big ole hug across the miles from one who has lost her Dad to another. It does get easier. Hold on to the good times. much love.
I’m so very sorry, Corey. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.
Corey, I’m so sorry. I know that this sounds so trivial at this hard time. I’ve been there and it sucks what you’re going through. Seriously sucks. If I could I’d wrap up the biggest warmest hug you’d ever had and mail it out to you now. We’ve never met in person but you are a sister and that’s important to me. I’ll be praying for you and for your family in your grief. You will get through this, if I can do it you can. But it still sucks. And I’m still sorry.
I was dreading this post too Corey.
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Just remember to allow yourself to rest and grieve as much as you need. Joy truly does come in the morning!
((hugs))
I wish there were words to make this better, to ease your ache, to do anything to make this easier for you. Until I find the magic potion though, I will just keep listening, hugging and loving…
I don’t have any great words to speak, but just know that I am here for you. Anything you need, I’m one call away.
I am so incredibly sorry. Losing a parent is devastating.
You need to take time to rest and heal from the ordeal that you have been through. I’m so glad you have your wonderful DH to lean on during this time. He will be a great support to you. In time, the good memories will come back and make things easier. Please know that you and your Mom will be in my thoughts and prayers in the weeks ahead. LIsten to your heart and body and they will tell you the things you need to get through this and begin to heal.
Debra
I’m so sorry about your dad…I lost mine when I was 10 and its hard no matter how old you are. Keep the memories of your dad close to your heart and he will live on in you
Thank you for sharing this. My heart goes out to you.
Catching up on your blog after many months away. Hoping time has allowed some of the pain to subside and the happy memories to take their place.
Hi. I got redirected here looking at the Rent blog, and I read this one. Sorry if thats weird.
It was like reading my life. In fact, my father died just a week after this was posted. I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you. Be thankful for all the time you had with him. Someone told me at my father’s visitation that her father had been gone thirty years and she still asked him for help and talked to him almost every day.
Also, someone told me this, and I’ve found it helps a lot when I’m worried about losing my dad as part of my life. “Loss is something time will heal, but love is something it can never steal.”